No One Has to Know

The young girl sat and stared at the blank document on her computer screen. She felt tired and unstable as her fingers ghosted over the keys. She took a deep breath before her fingers began to dance across them.

Sunday,

Some days I hate myself and I get sad, unbearably sad. And the emotion always hits me and surprises me into submission. I never know how I’m going to react to the tidal wave, but I know I won’t be calling or asking anyone to comfort me. Because after a while, reaching out to people and being ignored starts to hurt. I already know I’m not worth the time, I do not to be reminded of it. And then, that thought brings on another thought. One that has constantly been at the back of my mind since I can remember: I will never be anyone’s first choice, not now, not ever.

It is a sad thing to think about, that someone will always be better than you and that they will always be chosen over you. It’s sad, but it’s reality. And when reality starts to chip away at the happy illusions that I’ve created for myself, I become this bundle of nerves that can’t seem to calm down and relax. I begin to feel like I’m going to throw up, faint, and die all at once. I begin to feel like life is tightly gripping my throat with rough and bony hands that leave unseen scars on my flesh.

So I hide away in my bed. I burrow deep beneath the covers and I don’t leave. Even if I begin to feel lightheaded and too warm. I curl up on my side and close my eyes and hope that when I open them, I will be normal. That I won’t be so neurotic and so pessimistic. I will do this for the majority of the day until it hits me that I will always be a weird, neurotic, pessimistic, and pathetic piece of shit. People don’t notice those things about me because I hide myself in pretty clothes and pretty makeup. I doll myself up into a glorified waste of space.

I even fool people into believing that I’m a happy and normal person. People seem to believe that I’m this cheerful and sweet person. But I’m not. I’m cold, peculiar, pessimistic, rude, and dumb. That isn’t to say that I’m not ever happy. Because I can be.

Today is just not a day for smiles and laughter. At least, not for me.

She opened a web page and couldn’t decide if this was something that she should post into her blog. She had many friends who followed her blog and she wasn’t sure if she could deal with the influx of guilt-induced texts and messages that she would surely receive upon posting the entry. As she closed her eyes, she decided that she wouldn’t post it.

“If someone cares enough, they will contact me on their own. They won’t need any initiative. If someone wants to see me, they will come to me on their own accord,” she murmured resolutely to herself as she closed the web page and deleted her journal entry.

No one had to know that she felt alone and unneeded. The young girl brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, pulling them tight against her. She felt the hot sting of tears as they left her eyes and slipped down her cheeks.

No one had to know.

The Late Shift

*Author’s Note: I had posted this here before in parts, but I was unsatisfied with it so I deleted the posts and reworked it.*

She hated late night shifts the most. She never understood why a coffee shop should be open until 4 am, especially when it opened at 6 am. She glared at the clock which read 3:26 am. She looked at the empty shop in front of her and huffed. She untied the apron and pulled it off of her. If she was going to have to stay here longer, she might as well do it comfortably. She began to work on making herself a cup of coffee when the bell at the entrance rang.

“Hey, how can I hel–” she stopped short when she looked up and saw a small pale girl standing at the front, “um. Hi?” she cautioned, moving out from behind the counter to stand a few feet away from the girl.

She looked her up and down taking in the wet, pale skin; the frailness of the girl emphasized by the mint green peacoat that hung on her frame, her big black eyes dazed as if staring off into a daydream, and the general waywardness of the girl.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked and moved forward slightly, “Do you need help?” she moved to place a hand on the girl’s shoulder when she moved suddenly and stared at her with her big eyes.

“Help?” she nodded at the sudden shrill voice, “Oh, no one can help me. Not from this. I’m going to die and you’re going to witness it.” she replied, suddenly grabbing her hand and gripping it tightly in her boney hands, “Are you ready to witness a death, Gabby?”

“How’d you know my name?” Gabby struggled her hand free and stared at the surprisingly strong girl, “And what the hell are you talking about? Witnessing your death? Is someone after you? Is someone coming here?” She found herself annoyed and scared of the girl and the girl’s sudden silence, “You need to leave.” she pushed the girl back gently towards the open door.

“You wouldn’t dare.” the girl replied.

“Oh I’d totally dare,” she gave the girl one final gentle push, “Now good-fucking-night.” and closed the door in her face. She locked it to be sure.

Gabby looked out the windows at the girl. She looked away when she saw a small glimmer of red in the girl’s eyes, “This is fucking awful.” she moaned and began to turn off the lights. She wasn’t staying any longer than she needed to.

She grabbed her bag and coat and was about to turn off the lights in the back half of the shop when they went out on their own.

“That’s weird…” Gabby said out loud quietly to no one. She looked around the shop and her eyes connected with the open door. She felt a chill run up her spine as she walked closer to the door and noticed that the door handle was practically broken.

She looked around outside and saw no one but her car on the other side of the street. Her heart pounding in her chest, she gripped her key in her hands and ran for her car. She pressed the “Unlock” button on her key and slid in quickly before locking the doors. She stared back at the coffee shop and saw the girl standing there only this time she wore a long sleeved black dress with a white Peter Pan collar and white knee socks with saddle shoes. She just smiled at her and waved at her. From behind her, Gabby could see other shapes, as if there were people inside of the coffee shop.

The girl began to walk towards her car and without giving it a second thought, Gabby started her car and took off back to her house. She checked her dashboard clock 3:55. She hoped that one of her housemates would be awake. She didn’t know if she could sleep after that.

She could see her house in the distance, the lights in the windows beacons in the cold night, welcoming her back home. She parked and quickly went inside. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the locked door.

“Welcome home.”

Her eyes snapped open at the girl’s voice. She was sitting at the top of her stairs smiling down at her, her hands wet and red. Except for the bright red of her hands, the girl looked so innocent smiling at her like that.

“I thought you’d never get here.”

“How the hell did you get in here?” Gabby yelled, her hand searching frantically behind her for the doorknob, “Where are my friends?” she added as an after thought.

“Oh, you’ll see them soon enough.” the small girl said as she stepped down the stairs, “I wouldn’t try opening that. The others might get in.”

Gabby’s hand froze just millimeters from the doorknob, “The others?”

“They’re like me, but not fully there so they’re a tad more reckless.” she came to a stop in front of Gabby, and stared up at her with those black holes for eyes. She stretched out her tiny red hand towards her.

“You can’t really expect me to hold your fucking hand.” Gabby spat out, leaning heavily on the door. The girl frowned and quickly grabbed Gabby’s left hand, “Ow!” the girl’s hand gripped hers tightly, “Fuck! You’re gonna break my hand!”

“That’s the least of your worries, ” she led her to the living room. Gabby didn’t have time to look away before her eyes connected with the empty eye sockets of one of her roommates, “She was nice. Her eyes were too pretty though. I got jealous.” Gabby looked down at the girl holding her hand and fought down the urge to hurl her late dinner when she saw that the girl was playing with what looked like two eyeballs.

“Are those…” Gabby questioned as the little girl looked up at her and smiled.

“Oh yes. Lookit them,” she presented them to Gabby, “You can see the little flecks of gold in her hazel eyes. These’ll make fun rings.” she looked away from Gabby then. She stared at the eyes in her hand and smiled, “Come on. I have more to show you!” Gabby cautioned one more look at her roommate. She was sitting in one of the chairs, her body posed to look like she was reading. Except for the empty sockets and forty or so stabs to her torso, she could have just been reading.

Gabby allowed herself to be pulled by the little girl, her eyes never leaving her roommate’s. She had just moved in with her and her friends that week. Her name was Lily. Gabby liked her and hated her for her red hair, her pretty eyes, her flawless skin, and her perfect as hell personality. Gabby frowned at the small satisfaction that rose up in her heart.

“You’re happy she’s dead.” the little girl spoke as she led Gabby from the living room down the hall to the dining room, “You’re happy that she’s gone and you’re still here.” Gabby said nothing at the girl’s accusation. She couldn’t admit that.

“You wish.” she spat out quietly as they came to a stop in front of the dining room door, “What now?”

“Well, everyone was home when I got here,” the little girl smiled again and this time, Gabby caught sight of her teeth. They were sharpened so that her teeth looked like the mouth of some carnivorous beast, “They weren’t very cooperative.” At that, she opened the door.

Gabby tried to pull away from the scene before her, but the girl’s grip on her hand was tight as ever.

“Look at him.” The girl pulled Gabby down to her knees and forced her head to look up at what was left of her roommate Peter.

His torso hung from the chandelier as though the object was pushed through him while his hands and feet were pinned to the four corners of the room, his legs and arms and the muscles within them acting as streamers, connecting them to his torso at the center of the room. His rib cage was split open and his intestines and organs hung from his body like he was a pinata and they were the candy. Gabby stuffed her free hand to her mouth and nose as the metallic smell of the room was finding its way into her stomach. She couldn’t even fathom how the girl got all of that blood out of Peter. Despite the gruesome mess before her, Gabby looked longest at the space where his head should have been.

“Where’s his-” she started, crawling forward, her hand falling from her face to land in a sopping, red puddle. Gabby ignored the sickness pushing its way up her throat.

“Were you looking for this?” she turned to her right and saw the little girl standing, her clean shoes untouched by the red. Gabby saw Peter’s head then, “He was being loud. Wouldn’t stop screaming. Lookit how scared he was!” she knelt and rolled Peter’s head to Gabby.

Gabby moved backwards as Peter’s head came to a stop a few inches away from her. She looked at his once handsome face, now contorted into an expression of pure pain and terror. His brown eyes were open far too wide and his mouth hung open awkwardly. Gabby almost laughed. She reached out a cautious hand to touch the head.

“Aw, you liked him.” the girl said matter-of-factly as Gabby stared, dumbfounded, at the head, “You don’t need him. They’re disappointing. Always making promises they can’t keep…always leaving.”

She didn’t give Gabby a moment’s notice before she grabbed her hand once more and dragged her body away from the head. Gabby began to struggle when she realized that the girl was dragging her through the bloodied dining room and into the kitchen. She could feel the wetness seeping through her pants and touching her skin. She screamed and struggled to get away from the girl then.

“STOP,” the girl bellowed as they came to the kitchen. Gabby froze at the voice, “You don’t want to end up like your friends, do you?” Gabby looked up at the girl and would have screamed if she weren’t so terrified.

Gabby couldn’t even think of any words to describe what the little girl looked like. It was as if she was both small and big, dark and light, weak and strong, gentle and cruel. The little girl was a walking contradiction and for some reason, that frightened Gabby more. She couldn’t think anymore. She felt her body slacken and suddenly the little girl was just a creepy little girl again.

Gabby knew who was next. After Lily and Peter was Cal. Sweet and mischievous Cal. Gabby didn’t know she was crying until she tasted salt on her lips. She couldn’t see Cal all torn up like the others. She shut her eyes tight and allowed herself to be pulled and dragged along until she could feel grass in her free hand.

“Now, this one is much cleaner because he was so much quieter so I was nice,” Gabby refused to look, “Look at him Gabriella. Look or I’m going to rip your eyes out of their sockets and make you eat them.”

Gabby opened her eyes because she quite liked being able to see. Even if it was painful.

And there was Cal. Sitting calmly in the middle of their backyard in his pajamas. Gabby’s heart leapt as she noticed the subtle movements of him.

“He’s alive?” she cautioned at the little girl.

“Go say hi.” she commanded and let go of Gabby.

Gabby ran for him. She hugged him and wondered at his ability to not run and scream, “Cal, are you okay? Did she hurt you?”

He looked up at her with wide eyes, “Cal?” Then she noticed his mouth. It was sewn shut. She didn’t know how she could have missed that. The blood was dry and she could see how it hurt Cal to even move any part of his jaw, “Oh Cal.” she gingerly touched his jaw, careful to not prod it too roughly.

“Well isn’t that touching?” before she had any time to react, the little girl had appeared next to Cal and stabbed him hard through the skull, a small cracking sound resounded through the quiet backyard. Gabby fell backwards and watched as her friend died, “That was kind of annoying.” There was a sickening crushing sound as the girl pulled the knife from his skull with some difficulty.

Gabby stared at the knife-wielding little girl and the hungry smile that graced her lips. Before she could say anything else, Gabby got up and ran back towards the street entrance. She could hear the little girl laughing in her ears as if she were floating alongside her. She saw the street gate and again, she felt her heart go light with hope until she saw the red and yellow eyes that seemed to line the gate.

“No…” she breathed as she came to a stop in front of the gate. There were people, or what looked like people, standing on the other side of the gate. Gabby couldn’t see their faces but she saw their eyes. Then she saw their smiles. It was the same hungry smile that the little girl wore.

“We’re not done yet Gabriella.”

Sunset

She climbed to the top of the slide and sat down, arranging her books, bag, and phone around her on the small surface. She came here every once and a while to get away from her friends, her family, and her worries. She only brought her phone for emergencies, she generally ignored any calls and texts she received during this time. 

She took a deep breath of the twilight air. She loved how despite the warmth of the day, it always became slightly cooler as the day came to a close. 

She loved to sit here and watch the sun sink into the ground. There was something relaxing about the silence of the oncoming night. It let her know that whatever troubles she had during the day, that the night would come and wash them away, just for a little while, that she had some breathing time before she would have to tackle them again. 

Wind

She loved to come to the seaside. It was calmer here, more breathable, and less constricting. She loved the city, but sometimes, it was just nice to get away, to relax somewhere beautiful and forget about all her troubles back home.

The sea breeze hit her face, the salt in the air stinging and matting her hair. She took a deep breath, the cold air filling her lungs and refreshing her like a good cold glass of water. She pulled her brown coat tighter around her, the wind a happy reprieve but it still brought a chill through her body. The young girl leaned against her car, the wind blowing her hair around her face creating a halo of lilac. She pulled her hair into a loose bun and started to walk towards the sea, taking pleasure in the feel of the sand between her toes and under her feet.

It was always nice to get away.